“Symptoms of the New Variant May Include”
By Ethan Kuperberg
- Tiredness (due to thinking about covid-19)
- Anxiety (about catching covid-19)
- Exhaustion (from panicking about covid-19)
- Foot asleep
“I’m the Person ‘Your Song’ by Elton John Was Written for, and I Would Like a Real Gift Instead”
By Tom Smyth
Now, I understand that their gift is their song, but that wasn’t really what I had expected as a housewarming present when I invited Elton John and Bernie Taupin to a party at my new home, especially after I specifically asked them to bring ice.
“Your Personality, Explained by Your Annoying Household Habits”
By Nicole Rose Whitaker
“Mopping” with Your Foot and a Clorox Wipe
You’re a visionary who lives by the maxim “There’s got to be a better way.” And that way is yours.
“The Average Contestant on British Baking Shows vs. the Average Contestant on American Cooking Shows”
By Rebecca Turkewitz
British: Ian’s become known for his ruddy cheeks and big smile, and for always having a carpenter’s pencil tucked jauntily behind one ear.
American: Sarah’s signature look is the thirteen nicotine patches she wears to manage the stress of competition.
“A Few Math Problems for Mothers”
By Kate Tellers
Felix had an accident during nap time and doesn’t have a spare pair of pants at school. If Felix’s father is listed as the primary point of contact on all documents, how many times does the school call his mother?
Monocle 24 – The Stack looks at first issues of European magazine titles on the newsstands: ‘Limbo’, ‘Légende’, ‘command+i’ and ‘The White Room’.
The first lemur I ever met was a female, and she tried to bite me, which was fair, because I was trying to touch her, and humans have done nothing to recommend themselves to lemurs. She was an indri lemur, living in a wildlife sanctuary outside Antananarivo; she had an infant, which was riding not on her front, like a baby monkey, but on her back, like a miniature Lester Piggott. She had wide yellow eyes. William Burroughs, in his lemur-centric eco-surrealist novella Ghost of Chance, described the eyes of a lemur as ‘changing colour with shifts of the light: obsidian, emerald, ruby, opal, amethyst, diamond’. The stare of this indri resembled that of a young man at a nightclub who urgently wishes to tell you about his belief system, but her fur was the softest thing I have ever touched. I was a child, and the indri, which is the largest extant species of lemur, came up to my ribs when standing on her hind legs. She looked, as lemurs do, like a cross between a monkey, a cat, a rat and a human.
For this Independence Day, we’re dedicating this special episode to journalism and the role it plays in our democracy. Journalism is in danger. It’s under attack and distrusted by many. Tens of thousands of journalists are out of work mostly in local news, where trust is highest.
Boomers Daily 